Primary school teachers are the gold standard negotiators. When you’re wrangling a room full of 6-year-olds your day is filled with endless micro negotiations. At any given time Braden is licking the Playdoh, Jayden won’t eat his lunch and Kayden will only write his letters if he has the shiny pink pencil. Achieving a Middle East peace deal would be much easier if only the UN employed teachers as negotiators.
Developing corporate partnerships requires continual negotiation over several months to get to a desired outcome. You need to achieve a win-win where everyone gets value from the relationship. The best tool to use is the 3-second rule.
The Journal of Applied Psychology showed that sitting silently for at least 3 seconds during a difficult time negotiation or conversation leads to better outcomes. Embrace silence as your stealth strategy. Here’s why.
When you’re silent, people assume you’re thinking or reflecting. The pause gives you the opportunity to reflect on the partner’s needs and help you create bigger value for both of you. It shows that you’re listening to their needs and allows you to probe more deeply. For example, if your partner has just declared that staff engagement is one of their requirements take a 3-second pause and then ask why. Why is that so important? What’s going on in their business at the moment? What other initiatives have they tried already to boost staff engagement? Use periods of silence to gather crucial information that will help shape your partnership proposition.
Silence helps to control emotional responses during negotiations. Impulsive reactions can undermine your position or make you jump to offer solutions that are sub-optimal. All non-profits are keen to please when a corporate partner shows interest. If you react too quickly to a sliver of enthusiasm you can easily fall into the trap of listing everything you could possibly offer or doing it at a bargain price. Before you take the next breath you’ve offered media posts, weekly volunteering, your best ambassadors and an entire marketing campaign. You’re like a puppy who tries every trick to get that juicy bone. Silence will help you become more deliberative and thoughtful and shape the offer to create value for both of you. You can observe their actions to your initial suggestions and finesse your next response.
Silence can create cognitive dissonance or mental discomfort for your prospect across the table. It’s not a powerplay on your part but simply a reaction to cultural norms. In western culture silence in conversation can be uncomfortable. Think of the time at a dinner party when there’s an unexpected lull in the conversation and someone will always jump in to fill the vacuum. Using 3 seconds of silence strategically will make your prospect feel compelled to break the silence. It’s particularly effective if the silence sits after a key question like ‘why’ or a follow up like ‘tell me more’.
Silence worked unexpectedly well for me years ago when working in finance. My team had badly priced a deal and I needed to negotiate with the client to reprice it properly. It was a mess. When I sat down with the client I simply didn’t know where to start with the conversation, it was such a stuff-up. Slightly awkward silence ensued. Into the silence jumped the client who blurted out that they were about to restructure and could no longer proceed with the deal. They offered us compensation and profuse apologies. Silence allowed me to walk out of the room being paid by the client to stop the transaction rather than admitting to rank incompetence.
When you’re deep in discussions with corporate partners, you don’t always need a glossy brochure, sexy cause or the best marketing to win them over. 3 seconds of silence can be your best tool for unlocking pure gold.